StarBucks Sux0rs - Dan Krill's BLOG on BinaryBedlam

StarBucks Sux0rs
Dec 01, 2005 09:15:38 PM

      I had not previously had an opinion on this matter, however, now I do. Not only is StarBucks overrated, it can sux my ass. With out even going into the whole ''starbucks is nothing more than another corporate conglomerated profit hungry mom and pop shop destroying entity'' issue, I can still find fault.
      To keep it short and to the point, their coffee isn't so great! What’s all the hype about!? I mean seriously, their sub-mediocre products hardly warrant their exorbitantly high prices. In fact, for the prices you pay at StarBucks, you could get twice the amount of a better coffee at your near by local privately owned and operated coffee shop.
      So the above wasn’t quite enough to prompt this blog entry; the straw that broke this camels back was actually their internet connection, or lack there of. I suppose in a neo-modern attempt to attract more clientele they started advertising wireless access for laptop users. I wanted coffee, a place to sit and do hw, and it had to have wi-fi, so I regret to admit that their ingenious diabolical scheme succeeded because it managed to drawl me into their greedy grubby clutches. All right, anyways, I’m there, I'm drinking their lousy overpriced product doing my hw and I go to connect to the internet on my laptop. So they deff have an access point, but much to my dismay, I'm fronted with a damn ''blue socket'' login screen! Caught a little off guard, I proceed to the front desk and ask what the meaning of this log in is; he tells me that I need a subscription which costs $24.99 a month. FCK that! If I wanted to be held by the shoulders and screwed in the anus I would have bought a one way ticket on big gay al's big gay boat ride. As if they don't have enough money already, is it really necessary to charge for this commonly publicly offered free service? Not to mention it’s practically false advertising, that banner outside should have read, ''Sub-Mediocre Coffee and Unnecessarily Overpriced Wi-fi Connectivity!''
      While I’m still angry, let’s touch on the corporate nationalized chain issue after all. People's arguments in favor of StarBucks generally state that they are thriving because they really do make good coffee and that their great sales have taken them from the ground up like a true success story. Yeah that’s crap! Teh only reason this chain is so big is because overwhelming localization was their initial takeoff plan. Most places expand as their company gains popularity and wealth. StarBucks, on the other hand, had the brilliant idea that if they front all the expenses and build a shit ton more branches that they don’t even have the money for, people will go to their shops instead of others simply because it is more ''convenient'', thus gaining new customers, putting competition out of business, monopolizing the industry, paying off initial investments, profiting, and finally, fixing prices simply because THEY CAN. So their not ''awesome'' because of their ''great coffee'', they're there because they successfully forced themselves onto unwitting consumers and played off of today’s most popular theme, ''easy is better''.
      So the only thing Starbucks should be congratulated for was their devious marketing plan to exploit the lethargy of the general American populous.
      I don't know why I didn’t just do this in the first place, but across the street, yeah that’s right, a humble little place with cheaper yet better coffee, and free wi-fi. Hey StarBucks! pwned!

P.S. StarBucks tends to have a lack of chairs.

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