an ending where there was no beginning... Dec 20, 2004 08:49:48 PM
Another chapter contained in the unbound battered and untitled back shelf novel I call life
has come to a close. This was a long chapter, as are most, intricately entwined with the
surrounding story, thick with narrative, and ending with a satire rivaled only by that which
is found in Elizabethan tragedies.
However repetitious this chapter may externally appear to anyone who has actually taken the
time to look this tale over, there can be found an obvious difference. One that should stick out like a sore thumb. Why, this chapter never even began. How can one declare an ending, if
one has not defined a beginning? Well, of course when reading my story, such a ridiculous
scenario should only be expected. The story is already laced with plot twists, treachery,
anguish and its faithful counterpart, defeat. Then perhaps the best way to understand how
this can be, would be to forget about it. That seems to be the tactic of choice.
None of this actually matters though. It is finally over, and although life has only a
finite number of chapters, perhaps completing this one was for the best. Whether it was
holding me back or it was providing me with a light at the end of the tunnel that I should
intently attempt to recover, one very true fact yet remains, I am standing alone on a poorly
lit unmapped highway accompanied only by disappointment who never left my side. It was where I stood prior to the chapter, and it is where I stand now, after the chapter. Typically there should be character development, a change in plot, or at least a new position to keep the reader interested. But none of that was present. This chapter had not accomplished anything.
Around me there was nothing but endless interconnecting circular streets. All leading back
to one another providing no sight of success or an exit. They were lined with faceless angry
mobs all named ''doubt'' and there was the occasional whimsical passer-byer carrying the
picket signs marked ''confusion''. All the while, I stood there, doing little more than
hoping that the unbearable feeling of disappointment would soon leave my side, but it never
did. The scene could easily be misconstrued as a dystopic future, a disturbing Picasso
painting, or even a nightmare.
I myself have considered calling it by one of those names, but I now know it could not be
any of those things. They all have sad endings; this chapter was just as it began. It
elicited neither joy nor sorrow. Again I say, none of that matters though. This chapter has
reached its conclusion and a new chapter is on the horizon. New events, new experiences, and
new misadventures await me.
So if at this moment I am still standing alone, still unaware of how I got here, how do I
know this chapter has reached the end? How is it that I am so sure I will find that hidden
exit and that the next chapter beckons me? ...........because that constant unwavering
feeling of disappointment...........just took one step away from me.
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